Celebrity Fat

Pop star Britney Spears was spotted leaving the office of a well known Los Angeles based hypnotherapist today. Naturally, employees of the popular doctor are bound to total secrecy however, the office has recently "downsized" leaving Celebrity Fat with some new, well informed contacts.

According to our inside source, Britney's big personal epiphany which has triggered her recent "era of clarity" was that she was abducted by aliens during her childhood in Kentwood, Louisiana. Britney's hypnotherapist further concluded that the suicide of her paternal grandmother in 1966 could have been related to a familial connection with the nether-beings. He also speculated that the behavior of Britney's uncles - years of homelessness and criminal records, may have been the result of the "emotional impact of the alien/Spears family connection." The good doctor elaborated that "it's very likely that the aliens have been abducting and experimenting on members of the Spears family for generations." When questioned about the "diagnosis" the doctor replied with "She's a good girl and this is personal business that the press should stay out of." He then put on his X-ray goggles, got in his flying car and flew away.

Celebrity Fat's new forementioned contacts have plenty of other subconscious tid-bits from well known patient's files and we must admit, we're pretty excited about it. Stay tuned for more strange insights and revelations.

A Pensacola, Florida woman reported that Angelina Jolie's face appeared in slice of toast on Sunday morning.  Meridith Marksburrough was making breakfast for herself and her husband when the image appeared. According to Marksburrough she was "yellin' at my deadbeat husband to get his ass outta bed when the toaster started smokin'. I fidgeted with the popper-upper thingy and that broke so I unplugged it and threw it on the floor. I been tellin' Frank we need to get to the Wal-Mart and get a new one but does he listen? Nooooo! "  It was when the toaster hit the floor that the Angelina Jolie toast popped out. Marksburrough said it's as if her "prayers have been answered" even though she's "not that big of a fan." By noon Sunday word had spread and a line of approximately 250 curious onlookers had formed outside the Marksburrough's mobile home. The Marksburroughs are charging one dollar to view the slice of toast and are making big plans for the future. Meridith Marksburrough hopes to "maybe take the toast on tour or if we don't do that we'll probably sell it on eBay."

This is just lovely. Somewhere during Wacko Jacko's attempt to become a white woman, he hired a plastic surgeon to experimentally sew some top secret alien skin onto his face (and God knows where else). Clearly the intergalactic approach to beauty is not agreeing with his face, our planet or my eyes! He's now suing his Beverly Hills based plastic surgeon on the grounds of performing an untested procedure. Apparently this whack-job didn't realize that alien skin grafts aren't normal everyday procedures. I guess having the Elephant Man's remains in your closet isn't crazy enough!